"Does putting Quran on head count as an oath?"

Wa Alaikumus Salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

We understand your confusion and the distress you are experiencing. May Allah ease your affairs and grant you clarity.

The situation you have described involves two separate Islamic rulings: 1) The validity of an oath (qasam), and 2) The obligation of obedience to parents. We will address both according to the Hanafi school of thought.

1. Was an Oath (Qasam) Made?

In Shariah, for an oath to be valid and binding, it must be sworn by the name of Allah (e.g., "Wallahi," "Billahi," "Tallaahi") or one of His divine attributes.

• The Ruling: Placing the Qur'an on one's head is a cultural practice, not a specific Islamic method of swearing an oath. If you merely said, "Yes, I will not talk to them," without explicitly swearing by the name of Allah (e.g., saying "Wallahi" or "I swear by Allah"), then no valid Shariah oath (qasam) was made.
• The Hanafi Perspective: According to Imam Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him), an oath is only established through the explicit mention of Allah’s name or His attributes (like "By the Might of Allah"). Since you did not utter these words, your statement is not considered a binding oath in the court of Shariah. (Radd al-Muhtar, Kitab al-Ayman).

However, there is a crucial exception: If your mother intended for this to be an oath, and you intended to make an oath by placing the Qur'an on your head, then some scholars consider it an oath (yameen) due to the sanctity of the Qur'an. But given that you were under duress and fear, this further weakens the validity of any oath.

The Ruling on Duress (Ikrah): Even if we were to assume an oath was made, the Prophet ﷺ said: "There is no divorce (that counts) in the case of coercion, and no emancipation (that counts) in the case of coercion." (Sunan Ibn Majah). The Hanafi jurists (Fuqaha) extend this principle to oaths. Since you acted under severe psychological pressure and fear of harm ("otherwise you will suffer harm"), the oath is not valid or binding in Shariah. (Bada'i al-Sana'i).

Conclusion: No valid oath was made. You are not sinful for speaking to that person, and you do not need to offer Kaffarah (expiation) for breaking an oath.

2. The Obligation of Obedience to Parents

Even though the oath is invalid, the core issue remains: Your mother has commanded you not to speak to this person.

• The General Rule: Obedience to parents is obligatory (Wajib) in matters that are permissible (Mubah) and do not involve sin. Disobeying them in such matters is a major sin (Kabirah).
• The Exception: If the person your mother is telling you to avoid is someone who is a Mahram (like a brother, father, uncle) or a pious friend whose company is beneficial for your Deen, and your mother's command is based on unreasonable grounds (e.g., petty jealousy or baseless suspicion), then you should try to reconcile. However, if the person is a non-Mahram (a man you could marry) or someone who is a bad influence, then your mother's command is completely justified and must be obeyed.

What should you do now?

1. Clarify your intention: Since no oath was made, you are free from the technical ruling of Kaffarah.
2. Obey your mother: To avoid sin and maintain family harmony, you should strive to obey your mother's command to the best of your ability. If you must interact with this person (e.g., they are a relative), keep the interaction to the absolute minimum, in public, and with proper Islamic etiquette (lowering gaze, etc.).
3. Speak to your mother: Calmly and respectfully explain to her that you were under pressure, and ask her for the reason behind her command. Perhaps she has a valid concern (e.g., she fears for your religious commitment or reputation). If her reason is valid, thank her and obey. If her reason is not valid, gently explain your side, but ultimately, if it is a permissible matter, her obedience takes precedence.

Final Ruling:

• No Kaffarah (expiation) is required because no valid oath was made, and even if it was, it was under duress.
• You must still obey your mother in this matter, as it is a permissible command. If you disobey her, you will be sinful for disobedience, not for breaking an oath.

May Allah grant you wisdom, patience, and the ability to balance your rights and obligations. Ameen.